It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I was sick. As if by sympathetic connection, my PC went down with me. Actually, it’s more like I went down by sympathetic connection with my PC. It was going down in a slow cascade of failures and errors since the summer. I only went down the day after Christmas, but I stayed down for a few weeks.

Being sick was good in a way because it forced me to be still. I had to jettison my big list of things to do — I was taking my last 2008 vacation days so I was off and had overambitious ideas about how I’d use the time. As it turned out, I was couch-ridden and mostly I just read.

When I’m sick like that, the world becomes smaller and quieter. In a way, it’s easier to think.

As events and energies have ratcheted upward, I’ve become more self-conscious about writing here. I am conscious of how little I know, how I lack the language to express the wispy half-understandings that occupy my mind, how I may sound naïve to some, crazy to others and how some of my dreams and visions could conceivably contribute to the eschatological panic out there.

I am a Seeker, and while I am climbing toward the light, I spend a lot of time stumbling in the darkness. I share interior thoughts of my journey here, without the wisdom of hindsight, because I was instructed to “tell the tale and live it” in a dream. Somehow, I sense, that it is these awkward early steps on the Path that need sharing. And I shouldn’t go back and edit or delete as my understanding grows. I must let it stand in its own integrity.

In fact, maybe I should be more open than I’ve been.

My experience over the past several years has been a gradual honing in and sharpening of focus. I had something of a breakthrough over the summer, described in Unlocking the Gate. But then I lost some clarity and wandered a bit. Now I am back on the inner threshold of the gate, surveying the lands before me. Where there was a confounding maze, I am seeing a coherent set of paths.

I feel the need to commit to a formal path, in concert with others. I’ve moved in this direction before, and each time, foundational aspects of my life have seized up behind me, demanding my urgent attention, or so I thought. On past occasions, I have withdrawn to focus on them, and then it has taken a long while to wander back. That may be happening again now – I feel some tremors – but this time I will not relent. I will move forward on the Path, come what may.

So the earnest desire goes forth in search of the Master, as it has not far to seek. If the student is worthy he will presently be rewarded either by the inner knowledge that he has achieved this mental contact, or he will find that “chance” has placed him in touch with a source of occult information and training, and his conscious work has commenced. The gate is open, it is for him to tread the Path.

– Dion Fortune, The Training & Work of an Initiate

More to come.

Namaste.